You like gore? You like blood? Blood mixed with hair and entrails? You like shock and horror? Well, you’re reading the right article then. As Halloween’s coming up, I think you should all heed my advice and watch these three delicious films. Three harrowing films that make you think ‘WHY DID THEY DO THAT?!’, but still you’re unable to tear your eyes away from the flickering screen. Hypnotized by the very thing that repulses you. Similar to when someone has a grotesque pimple on their face and while you speak to them, it’s all you can look at…and you get transported to a world of pimples, and they all speak of course and then you’re like ‘sorry what? I didn’t hear you because you’re horrific pimple starting speaking to me’. Yeah, that.


A Serbian Film (2010) Dir. Srdjan Spasojevic


I was told not to watch this film. I was told it was horrific. I was told I wouldn’t be the same again. Well, I watched it and I’m pretty sure I’m the same. I may even be a bit funnier, in fact. I KNOW I KNOW, NOT POSSIBLE RIGHT?! So, I ignored all the warnings and one morning, during an ‘inappropriate daytime viewing’ experiment I was undergoing while unemployed, I watched A Serbian Film.

It started off simple enough; porn actor, now retired has a wonderful life and family. He was the best porn star at the time who ‘could go on for ages’. Which is nice. He is approached to do some ‘arty porn’; they’ve discovered a ‘niche’, the guy claims. Obviously the retired porn star’s all about the poon, so he goes for it. Cue the unsettling scenes of torture, rape and sodomy. I’ve seen a lot of gore, and my sense of humor can be quite twisted and shocking, so I should be able to enjoy the film and occasionally laugh, right? Well, let’s just say I found myself looking away every now and then.

In order to enjoy a film, the film must be good. Unfortunately this film was created just for the shock value, so there is no real plot and it gets a bit silly as it tries to tell some kind of story. Watch it to test your shock threshold, if anything. See if you can take it.


Ichi The Killer (2001) Dir. Takashi Miike

I love the Japanese. They know exactly how to confuse and terrify me. This film is fantastic. Trust me. I SAID TRUST ME.

You get all the gore you could ask for. Enough entrails and brains to last you a week or so. Maybe a few days. Depends how much you like entrails, really. I for one, LOVE THEM. Originally an Anime comic, Takashi Miike manages to bring the violence and comedy together in perfect harmony. He is a cinematic genius, after all.

The fact that the ‘Ichi The Killer’ is embossed on someone’s cum in the first 5 minutes of the film kind of sums it up really. The main character is sexually repressed Ichi; adorned with blades on his shoes and leather clad uniform, he kills manically, while weeping and shaking nervously.

Then there’s the gang leader Kakihara, part of the Yakuza gang, who’s equally as disturbed. His mouth is cut from either side, very reminiscent of the Joker, but held together with piercings. Kakihara is out to find Ichi and kill him. Kakihara is badass. He also cuts off his tongue at one point. BRILLIANT. Actually, screw this, I’m going to watch it again now.

Braindead (1992) Dir. Peter Jackson

I’m trying to think of something better than the performance from actor Timothy Balme and I literally cannot think of one thing. He performs mostly from his face. It’s magnificent.

This zombie movie is mind numbingly horrific yet simultaneously laugh out loud hilarious in equal measure. The panicky lead character Lionel spends the whole film running about trying to kill zombies, but ends up locking them all in his basement. Including his suffocatingly protective zombie mother. I know this isn’t really that scary a film, but seriously it’s amazing. You have to be able to say ‘yeah I’ve seen Braindead and it’s amazing’ otherwise you’re an idiot.

All I need to say is: ZOMBIE BABY. That should sell it to you, no problem.